My house is plagued by pirate monkeys. Besieged by them, to be exact. I am running out of food, and my shotgun just broke. Please help.
Sincerely, Ugle E.
P.S. These monkeys can fly. Here's the request I'll be working on today:
Well, I would suggest trying to reason with them, first of all. If this fails, here's a list of household objects that can be used as effective weapons against monkeys.
1. Silverware. This can be used as projectiles, stabbers, or clubs, depending on the size.
2. Frying pans and skillets. These are invaluable for clubs, and if heated on a stove will be more effective.
3. Do you know any magic at all? If so, the spell "Vortectis Mortruis" should help you out. If not, you won't remember the spell, so don't waste time trying.
4. Lay different traps througout your house. Put nets in the doorways and broken glass on the floors. Wear thick boots.
5. If all else fails, cut up as many onions as you have. This will drive them away forever. This is only ot be used as a last resort, because it will hurt you nearly as much as them.
Be careful, and don't let your guard down.
No comments:
Post a Comment